


Thinking Out Loud

by 38leticia



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3294746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/38leticia/pseuds/38leticia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different ending of 4x12. Spoiler alert. You've been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Mike received that phone call from Harvey, saying that he would like to meet Mike at a lounge just two blocks down the road, easy to say that Mike had this nagging feeling that something isn’t right. First of all, come on… This is Harvey Specter we’re talking about. He doesn’t randomly call people up and invite them out for drinks out of nothing. Yes, they did solve the damn case with Professor Gerard, however, it wasn’t something so spectacular that would result in a celebration. Mike could recall their previous “celebrations” like the back of his hand. They happened after solving humongous cases that managed to flustered even the great Jessica Pearson herself. This case? This wasn’t it. So Mike walked into the place with his mind running a hundred miles per hour.

 

< Hey. >

 

Harvey looked up and immediately handed Mike a drink.

 

“Thanks for meeting me.”

 

Mike accepted the drink and he can’t help to fire out the only question that has constantly occupied his mind for the last few hours.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“I wanted to thank you for making me take Gerard.”

 

Now that is something he ever thought would come out of Harvey’s mouth. First of all, THE Harvey Specter, thanking him? So Mike did the only thing he could at the time, which was staring stupidly at Harvey while also gaping like a fish.

 

“What happened?”

 

The question just flew right out of Mike’s mouth.

 

“What makes you think something happened?”

 

There you go… The deflection.

 

“Because I know you and you don’t have moments of self reflection, let alone have a drink with someone that tell them about it unless something happened.”

 

“You know what? Something did happen. I delt with some shit and I’m trying to thank you for it, because it turned out to be a good thing.”

 

Well… Maybe, just maybe, nothing bad happened since Mike saw that Harvey really did seem genuine when saying all those things.

 

“I think the word you’re looking for is closure.”

 

“That’s your word. The word I’m looking for is “you’re welcome, Harvey! That’s nice of you to say.”

The thing is, Mike did feel very grateful. Harvey had listened to him even after he went at it at Harvey for being a jackass for refusing to take Gerard’s case because of personal reasons. Harvey took the damn case because of Mike. So Mike expressed his gratitude with the biggest amount of sincerity that he could came up with.

 

“Thanks, Harvey.”

 

If only Harvey knew how much those two words meant for Mike.

 

“Good. Now listen to me-“

 

“For a minute there I thought you were gonna tell me that he knows.”

 

Harvey was rendered speechless for a second. He really did not see that coming.

 

“What?”

 

“Maybe I’m crazy, but when I was prepping him, for a second he looked at me and I thought, “he’s suspicious”, and then you called and after everything that’s happened already I… yeah… ”

 

“It’s fine, Mike. He doesn’t know.”

 

When Mike heard that sentence he felt a wave of relief crashing down on him. He couldn’t help but smile and clinked his tumbler against Harvey’s.

 

Mike had known Harvey for quite some time. Needless to say that he knew the man well enough. This was why he didn’t miss the tiniest amount of concern on his boss’ face right after Harvey gulped down the expensive drink. This was why he realised the tiniest amount of hesitation in Harvey’s tone. For others, they would not recognise a thing since Harvey had one of the best poker faces that Mike had come across. However, Mike is no “other”. So Mike with his tendency of over-analysing everything, started to put things together.

 

“Holy shit. He knows, doesn’t he?”

 

Never in his entire time in Pearson Specter, or Pearson Hardman back then for that matter, had he seen Harvey Specter openly displayed a shocked expression.

Mike didn’t even bother to wait for a response since he figured he wouldn’t get much. So he stood up and ran...

 

Outside the city was buzzing with excitement. Happy couples taking a late night stroll under the snow, cars zooming through the lanes, but Mike was having none of that. His mind was on one thing and one thing only. That one more person figured out his secret. _Well, well… The list just keeps growing and growing and growing isn’t it?_ He was walking aimlessly through the busy streets, occasionally bumping into strangers. He can’t even brought himself to muster up apologies. _Because what good does it make?_ He figured he can’t keep doing this. One of these days he’s going to bring down the people he care about. The people he love. Rachel, Donna, Harvey… Harvey. The man had done so many things for him. But why? Mike couldn’t help but feel frustrated. Why did Harvey help him? Why did Harvey even bothered? Mike realised that Harvey had become a constant fixture in his life. Harvey had always been there for Mike, through ups and downs, through the bad and the good. He had proven himself in several occasions when he put himself in great risk in order to save Mike. Growing up Mike had never really had anyone else except his grandmother. Trevor, well… He’s Trevor. Needless to say that meeting Harvey was like winning a goddamn lottery. Knowing Harvey was like a blessing to him. Having Harvey’s loyalty was like acquiring the lost treasure of the Flor de la Mar. _Holy shit… I’m falling for Harvey Specter._ By then he started to laugh at his current state. _How did I get from Gerard finding out my secret to realising that I might be in love with my boss?_

His hair was a mess since he kept tugging at it. He was so out of it that he didn’t hear Harvey calling his name. Too busy battling his own thoughts he didn’t realise that he’s walking straight towards a moving traffic.

 

“Mike!”

 

He kept walking…

 

_Maybe I should just quit._

And walking…

 

“Mike!”

 

_Then maybe I should just disappear_.

 

“Mike! What the hell are you doing?! Stop!”

 

_Nothing is keeping me-_

He was then brought out of his reverie when someone yanked him backwards. Furthermore, someone was then hugging him.

 

“What the… Harvey?”

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! You almost got yourself killed, you stupid idiot!”

 

“What?”

 

“Doesn’t matter now. You’re coming with me.”


	2. Unwanted Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't Harvey's intention to let Mike know.

The drive to Harvey’s apartment was awkward for both. When Ray finally announced that they had reached their destination, Harvey didn’t waste any time by immediately stepping out of the car. Mike followed him somberly short after. To tell the truth he felt like he couldn’t breathe during the whole car ride with Mike sitting so close to him. He couldn’t believe that Mike could see right through the façade, the façade that he spent years trying to make perfect. Oh, but who is he kidding? This is Mike Ross we’re talking about. The blue-eyed genius with such innocence that managed to worm his way into Harvey’s frozen heart. He had been fooling himself for so long, trying to deny that he, the great Harvey Specter, had somehow managed to fall in love with his associate. They both entered the lift quietly. While in the lift, Harvey couldn’t help but taking a glance at Mike. Mike was staring forward with a blank expression and Harvey couldn’t help but feel guilty. He felt like he had failed to protect Mike once again. For heaven’s sake, he didn’t tell the truth because he didn’t want Mike to be worried. But seeing him like this? It made Harvey wonder if he could turn back the time. If he could just go back in time to tell the truth instead.

They entered Harvey’s apartment and Harvey headed straight to his bedroom. He changed out of his Tom Ford suit and then opted for something comfortable, a Henle shirt and a sweatpant. He grabbed something similar from his wardrobe for Mike. When he walked out from his bedroom, he found Mike standing in front of one of his many windows, staring blankly at the glimmering lights of the city. He approached Mike slowly, afraid that he might startle him.

“Mike." 

Harvey hated his own voice. Why did he had to sound so vulnerable?

Mike acknowledged him by slowly turning his head towards Harvey. He didn’t give Harvey anymore than that. He just… couldn’t. 

“Here. I thought you might want to get comfortable before we start whatever this is.”

He nodded and accepted the clothes and headed towards the bathroom that Harvey showed him on his previous visit.

 

He returned shortly after and Harvey was once again, speechless. Seeing Mike in his clothes, he felt something warm oozed through his whole body. It looked like Mike really belonged there. No… Like Mike belonged with him. He gently led Mike to the couch and sat next to him.

“Mike, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“You lied.”

To say that Harvey was shocked was an understatement. First, it was because Mike had finally said something to him. Second, it was because he felt like something twisted his heart when he heard those words coming out from Mike. He could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“I know. I was only trying to protect you.”

All of a sudden, Mike made a hollow, humourless laugh and Harvey’s stomach turned.

“Protect me? What is that supposed to mean? Did you really think lying to me is going to…” 

Mike abruptly stood up from the couch and started pacing. He couldn’t believe Harvey. Protecting him by withholding the truth? _Is that what they call it these days? To protect?_ He couldn’t help the scoff that came out of his mouth.

“Who are you trying to fool, Harvey? Why do you keep doing this? I can’t… I can’t do this anymore!”

“What? Mike, what are you talking about?”, Harvey was perplexed. He genuinely didn’t understand what Mike meant by that.

“All the lies, Harvey!”

If Harvey wasn’t truly taken aback by what Mike said before, he was now.

“You and your lies. You’re lying to the people around you and you’re constantly lying to yourself. I can’t do this anymore.”

He could hear the tiredness and the feeling of defeat in Mike’s voice. He felt like he couldn’t just leave it at that so he decided to keep pressing until it really hurts. He knew Mike was hurting, but he longed for an explanation. 

“What? Me? Lying to other people and myself? Mike, I may lie to other people on daily basis just because that’s part of my job description, but I don’t lie to myself.”

“Just like when you said you don’t care?”

Harvey froze. He didn’t expect that at all. He was so afraid that Mike was going to figure out his feeling that he didn’t realise Mike was heading straight to his front door.

“Mike! Where do you think you’re going?” 

“I’m tired, Harvey. I’m tired and I’m done. I’m done with your lies. I’m done with this guilt of constantly putting you and others in jeopardy because of my secret. I am done.” 

“Mike, what are you saying?”

“I will give you my resignation letter first thing on Monday. Then… I don’t know. I’ll go somewhere. Have a fresh start, you know? See where it takes me. You don’t have to worry about me dragging you and the firm down anymore.”

“The hell you will! You are not going anywhere!”

Hearing that made Mike angry. He was tired and he wondered why Harvey couldn’t accept it. He was trying to make things right by quitting. If and when he finally quits, everything will be fine again, and he wondered why Harvey couldn’t see that.

“You can’t stop me, Harvey! What do you care anyway?”

“Because I care about you!”

It’s as if everything stopped. Time, the buzzing of the nightlife below them, their hearts…

“Harvey-“

“No! You don’t get to say anything. I lied to you because in my defense, I was trying to prevent you from having a panic attack. I didn’t want to make you worried. So yes, I lied instead and I won’t say I’m sorry because you should know that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat just to see that relieved smile on your face one more time.”

This time it was Mike’s turn to be speechless. He couldn’t believe what he heard. He couldn’t believe that Harvey actually admitted that he cares. His heart was beating a hundred miles per hour in his chest.

“You belong here with me! So don’t you dare try to give me that crap about quitting and moving to some God-awful-place that no one has ever heard because I won’t let you!”

Somehow Harvey had managed to steer Mike back to the couch. He couldn’t help but notice that Mike was still tense. He, however, can’t help but continue his rant.

“You and I… Mike, I need you. You might think of the exact opposite, but you’re wrong. I need you here with me. It’s as if my life revolves around you. As I have said back then, people don’t leave me. So please, stay…”

Harvey was a nervous wreck by then. He didn’t mean to give away that much information, but if that’s what it takes to make Mike, _his_ Mike, stay, then so be it. It’s just that he didn’t mean for the next words to slip out of his mouth so soon.

“I just… I can’t lose you. I’m in love with you for God’s sake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Just a little bit busy with life and what not :) I've decided to add another chapter. Hope you guys enjoy and don't forget to leave some constructive comments. Until next time, lovely people! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone. I was watching 4x12 and wondered "what if Mike figures it out?". So, yeah... This is my take on it. Hope you enjoy and feel free to leave comments :) ps. English is not my first language so please go easy on me heheh


End file.
